Do they thoroughly backround check bus drivers?

Public transportation I've decided is a saddest system devised by people who have never actually had to use it. Until my bank account is suddenly flushed with my hard earned "job" money it's unfortunately a necessary evil. I am very curious about the people who become bus drivers. They run the gambits of personalities in the bus lines I have been riding lately. There is the Christen African immigrant gentleman, who is actually pretty great and will let you on for free if your fare card is too low. Then there is the other male drivers, they all seem like they didn't quite make the cut for Nascar or something; always bucking the buses at red lights like they are in their suped up 95' civics. My personal "favorite" was the woman I had today; I will call her angry black woman. Now please, I am only denoting her race because she was black, but she could have just as easily been white, Asian, whatever. I rarely feel that my life is in danger when I am on the bus, it’s bigger than all the other vehicles and that counts for something in head on collisions. Even though the lack of seat belts has always been disconcerting. But this woman truly seem to have a disregard for human life. She jerked the bus into oncoming traffic like it was a suicide mission. Glaring into the rear view mirror, I was positive she was staring deep in to me at all the things I was never going to do since my life would soon be over. My savior came in the form of a deviation gone wrong. The special needs gentlemen, who the deviation was for, seem to disarm our psychopathic driver. There was humanity in her after all. Shortly after, I finally arrived at my stop with a newly revived love of life. I live to face another day. Besides, tomorrow I have an interview.

Football Vs. Job Applications

I told myself, I will not write an obligatory Superbowl post. But, sorry, I seem to actually care about this football game today. Many times in the last few years I could have given a shit about the biggest football game of the year. It’s such a marker in American life. What’s funny about my new found love of the super bowl is where it stems from. Here are the reasons I am actually stoked on this game:

1.       Championship games are almost always interesting. It’s the best of the best.

2.       I feel like I have already won because I didn’t sit through a bunch of lame games throughout the season to get to this one. Like I know something others don’t. That you can enjoy football and not watch it all the time or know who the players are. I am very aware that this ISN’T a secret. But denial can be fun.

3.       I am going to be watching with a bunch of other people. Big groups always make sports more fun. Especially since they can clue me into who the players are and what is going on half the time.

4.       Food is awesome. Especially the food at a superbowl parties. No one feels like a fatty because we are all eating the same horrible calorie rich fare.

With all that being said, I am routing for the Packers. Who I decided was my pony when I was half asleep yesterday morning. I have to say this really beats looking for job, at least no one will judge me.  

Not just for sweatpants

In the absence of a schedule or a job I realized today all the things I am afforded to do in my life. On a serious note, I am able to tackle the inter workings of some personal issues. Spending more time with people who are enhancing my life in a positive way is pretty great. I guess what I am saying is today I am on team "wahoo!" unemployment. Now, don't get me wrong I, scouts honor, am still submitting my sub par resume into jobs that probably are going to pay me $8.00 an hour. Wow, I just painted a really negative image there. But really, I have to be honest with myself when I am filling out a hundred questions with Starbucks, this job will not make me happy. I am realizing, that though broke, only I can really make myself happy. Yes, this is corny and I probably lost you with the whole "I have awesome friends" stuff up there. But again really, I need to take hold of the opportunity of unemployment. Its not a burden. There is a lot of super sweet things I can do right now that don't involve sleeping in or being in my sweatpants all day. I could make a list, but that would be boring. I am honestly still trying to think of shit I can do. Time is something that we constantly wish there was more of in the day. You can't make more hours in the day appear but you can be unemployed, its easy.

Cigarettes and Time stamps

When I was working my concepts of time were pretty on point.  Well at least from what I can recall. I showed up early to work regularly with pride. And now, I write statements such as the following upon waking:  I wake up at 12:15pm. Consider a shower but instead light a cigarette. The life of the unemployed and decidedly clueless of socially acceptable standards of cleanliness. The complete lack of structure to my day, I feel is responsible.  Work provides that push at night that I need to head to sleep at a reasonable hour. Now at night it’s like I dared myself self to stay up as late as possible.  I am reliving some of the moments from my early 20’s, and not the ones I would’ve liked.  I keep thinking that if I turn off the T.V or stop monitoring my Facebook that I am going to miss something huge.  I can confirm for anyone who may be wondering, because I felt it was best to be honest here, that Facebook and cable offer the same lack luster results at any hour of the day. The only benefit to constant Facebook and cable stalking is there are time stamps, no need for a watch. And, luckily, even my friends with jobs are as clueless to what day of the week it is as I am. I know this because their status tells me so.

Wanted: Clever blog title writer

Top ten jobs I saw today that I didn’t apply to but found their titles misleading, funny, or just plain awesome:

Event specialist = People that provide the sample food at Costco. I think. It didn’t directly say Costco the company, but it did mention those awesome metal carts they have and that “light” cooking was involved.

Food and beverage attendant= serve high calorie food and drink for minimum wage. There was various forms of this this but this version was my favorite because it makes it sound like its going to be a much higher paying job. This came from a job for a bowling ally cafe.

Recovery Specialist= the bitches that keep calling me. It seemed wrong to apply, not only am I not qualified, I’d eventually end up having to call myself. That voicemail would have been awesome to listen to though.

Cleared security monitor= Rent a cop. Not hating just saying. I very much like that they say "monitor" as in hall monitor.

Materials handler= Driving various large machinery including but not limited to forklifts and stake trucks (whatever those are).  Making sure correct materials are being delivered. Thought it was going to be more exciting huh? Me too, I was very disappointed.

Territory manager-competitive= Some sort of street food pusher. The job description laid out like a job for selling vacuums door to door. Creepy.

MONEY MUSIC AND FUN! = Scam, a brand new office looking for young people make 30,000 DOP. These are my favorite craigslist posts. This one I think had one of the best hook-ins that I have seen. Well done crap company.

Part Time Toy seller wanted! = It is exactly what it says it. But, since I found the listing on craigslist I was seriously expecting it to be something way more fucked. I have been watching too many twisted movies during this job search.

Nuclear weapons disposal expert= this is exactly as it reads. I keep seeing it listed on this one site and every time I see it for whatever reason it makes me smile. I am excited that there is a job listing this specific but also nervous that it is listed as being a job in Fort Belvoir.

Knowledge manager-The following is what this position is, it’s not funny so I don’t recommend reading it. But, do enjoy the title of the position. I copy and pasted it in to show that, yes, it’s a real job. Analyzes business and technical processes to formulate and develop new and modified business information processing systems, such as production and inventory control systems, financial tracking systems, marketing and human resources systems.

Who knew I'd be into cutting down trees

I am unemployed and trying to be "positive" about it. I decided that perhaps right now in America and perhaps around the world, I am not alone. I am not the only one without a guide book.

I have been trying my hand at online job searching. Really the only way you can look for a job these days. Searching for a job online is like being told by a bunch of faceless strangers that you need to go to college or that you have wasted the last ten years in the one profession. I use the word profession loosely. Changing low income bracket "professions" has proven more difficult than I thought. My well versed knowledge of the cash register or the many years I have been willing to put up with customers saying in not so few words that I'm a stupid asshole, hasn't quite bared the fruits I was hoping. Online job applications give me the opportunity to send my sensitive information off into the job database abyss in the hopes of getting some kind of positive result. The auto response leaves me wanting more and keeps me coming back. I watch my email as simultaneously watch my facebook. It also keeps me filling out more online applications so that maybe someone will want me and send me an email. I haven’t felt this rejected since high school.

I miss paper...