Wanted: Clever blog title writer

Top ten jobs I saw today that I didn’t apply to but found their titles misleading, funny, or just plain awesome:

Event specialist = People that provide the sample food at Costco. I think. It didn’t directly say Costco the company, but it did mention those awesome metal carts they have and that “light” cooking was involved.

Food and beverage attendant= serve high calorie food and drink for minimum wage. There was various forms of this this but this version was my favorite because it makes it sound like its going to be a much higher paying job. This came from a job for a bowling ally cafe.

Recovery Specialist= the bitches that keep calling me. It seemed wrong to apply, not only am I not qualified, I’d eventually end up having to call myself. That voicemail would have been awesome to listen to though.

Cleared security monitor= Rent a cop. Not hating just saying. I very much like that they say "monitor" as in hall monitor.

Materials handler= Driving various large machinery including but not limited to forklifts and stake trucks (whatever those are).  Making sure correct materials are being delivered. Thought it was going to be more exciting huh? Me too, I was very disappointed.

Territory manager-competitive= Some sort of street food pusher. The job description laid out like a job for selling vacuums door to door. Creepy.

MONEY MUSIC AND FUN! = Scam, a brand new office looking for young people make 30,000 DOP. These are my favorite craigslist posts. This one I think had one of the best hook-ins that I have seen. Well done crap company.

Part Time Toy seller wanted! = It is exactly what it says it. But, since I found the listing on craigslist I was seriously expecting it to be something way more fucked. I have been watching too many twisted movies during this job search.

Nuclear weapons disposal expert= this is exactly as it reads. I keep seeing it listed on this one site and every time I see it for whatever reason it makes me smile. I am excited that there is a job listing this specific but also nervous that it is listed as being a job in Fort Belvoir.

Knowledge manager-The following is what this position is, it’s not funny so I don’t recommend reading it. But, do enjoy the title of the position. I copy and pasted it in to show that, yes, it’s a real job. Analyzes business and technical processes to formulate and develop new and modified business information processing systems, such as production and inventory control systems, financial tracking systems, marketing and human resources systems.